Egg Pie

Something you should know about me is that I get excited at the drop of a hat. I mean, everyone gets excited but I take it to another level. Is it a nice day outside? I'm pumped at the possibilities for all the fun-tivities! I don't even have anything planned for the day. My dog didn't bark at a friggin leaf falling from a tree? I'm super excited that he's too lazy to care! Is that a new barbell for sale on craigslist for $35?! HOLY Stinkin' MOLEY! Somebody get the tranquilizer because I'm about to shoot through the roof. I managed to get my BF excited about it and picked it up ASAP! I ordered bumper plates when I got home and started working on my hang snatch just for funsies.

Explode happiness from your toes and up to the sky!

Now, bow down to my $35 barbell before I beat you with it!

This is long overdue because I'm tired of missing working outs because of my schedule and pure laziness of driving 30 mins to a gym. Missing the gym is very bad because I've been bored without them and deciding to fill that boredom with baking Paleo desserts...

Chocolate Ganache Pie

Lemon Honey Mug Cake and Chai Tea

Pumpkin chocolate muffins

All ideas stolen from Pinterest of course...to include my Easter Outfit! 

See that belt? It used to squeeze me til I had muffin top AND bottom! haha

Aside from that, I was looking forward to the weekend so that I could try out a concoction I've been conjuring up in my head. I'm a really good cook...unless it has anything to do with breakfast. I could probably set fire to a bowl of cold cereal. But it's the weekend. Magical things happen on the weekend. So I made an egg pie. Not only did it look good but it really hit the spot on this fine Easter Morning :) Here's how I did it.

Ingredients:

• 6 eggs + 2 egg whites
• 1/2 tsp of ground: Garlic powder, Onion powder, Chili powder, Cumin
• Pinch of salt and pepper
• 2 Cups grated Sweet potato
• 1/2 C Green Bell pepper diced
• 1/2 C Red Bell Pepper diced
• 1/4 Onion diced
• 4 Mushrooms sliced

Directions: 

Set your oven to 375. Once you've grated the sweet potato in a bowl, add the 2 egg whites and spices. Mix well. In a 9" frying pan on med-high heat, flatten the sweet potato into the pan so it covers the pan like a hash brown. 

Once it's all crispy and burnt brown, place it into a pie pan. If you don't have a pie pan because you're a normal person, just use a 9" cake pan and toss it in there so it makes a crust at the bottom. 

Now you need something to cover that up because it straight up looks like garbage. So, scramble the six eggs in a bowl and saute your pepper and onion in the pan until the onions are softened and a little roasted. Should take about 3 mins on a med-high skillet. 

Add the mushrooms to the beaten eggs and add the peppers. Pour all of it into the pie pan to cover your disgrace of a hash brown. 

All pretty now!

Place the pie pan on a cookie sheet (if using pie pan) and bake for 20-25 mins. 

 Now you can eat it with a ton of hot sauce because that's how all breakfasts should be eaten.

As I was serving it, I was wondering if I should call it a quiche or a Fritta because I have not idea what either of those are. When I gave it to Steve he asked, "What is this? Egg Pie?" and I said "Yes. Yes it is."

My Secrets

Last month, I had a few coworkers that haven't seen me in a while ask me, "Hey, you look different! What's your secret?" to which I respond, "Oh. I decided to wax my mustache." they go, "No, I meant you look thinner. What have you been doing?" Me: "Oh, yeah....that. Ummm...nothing really. You just haven't seen me in a while. That's all." ....but no. It's NOT true! You know how you've always had a sinking feeling that people who are thinner KNOW something that you don't and that's why you're not losing weight? You're right! But because we're besties now (we are, right? RIGHT?!?) I'm going to tell you my biggest secrets that stays between us (and probably your best friend)...

Secret Numero Uno: I don't tell anyone I'm eating better/healthier/on a diet/not eating crap, whathaveyou. Seriously, probs the best secret you got right now. When you tell people you're on a diet, it's like telling your bum friends you're going to college..."Oh! You think your F**kin' betta than me? HA! How long is this little wish going to last?! Two weeks like it did last time? Please, sucka, I'll be right here when you fail." Psh, I ain't got the time fa dat. People just LOVE to hate. Sometimes, they don't even know they're doing it. You know how I know? Because I used to do it! I hated when someone had willpower that I didn't have and wanted to always had that friend to eat cupcakes with or drown sorrows in pizza and beer. Plus, you get the added benefit of people NOT asking you "how's that diet going?" WTF is that about? "Um, it's going good, I guess. Is your husband still an alcoholic? How's that going for you?!" See how that just went straight to the tenth degree? Errbody just needs to mine their own business...but it starts with you keeping mum about yours!

Secret #2: Start eating healthy when you know it's going to be hard. I started eating healthy right before Thanksgiving...on a Friday. I know. Blasphemy! But no, hear me out. I figured if I could stick to my habits through the holidays, I'm GOLDEN! because I'll start to get a little burnt out by the time New Years rolls around and what happens at this magical time of the year?! IT's friggin motivation station all over the place! People are scarfing salads, the chocolate is all gone, everyone is running everywhere, and I'd already be 2 months ahead of the game. The reason why started Friday is to make sure I could survive the weekend full of birthday parties, dinner parties, eat-til-you-hate-yourself parties...all those shenanigans.

Secret #3: I lie. I lie about everything. I lie about 10 times a day <--no, that's a lie. A lie within a lie. lie-ception. I'm going to tell you something that your mom never did...Lying is going to help you more than it hurts you. It's true.... Ask my padded bra. Here's how: I tell people I don't like something that I'm actually bat-$h*t crazy about. I used to work in an office that had potlucks and birthdays like twice a week. Every flippin week, it was the same thing, Red Velvet cake or Chocolate Cake (same crap different color, right?). Well, I was sick of it and even when I would ask them NOT to serve me, they would pester me and put a big hunk of it in a plate for me. I knew I had to lie. "Oh, NO THANK YOU! Last week I ate A WHOLE Red Velvet cake and ended up puking it up. Red velvet everywhere, even in my hair. I don't even want to LOOK at it! I HATE RED Velvet cake!" A simple lie is best. Be  simple and realistic. Even then, it's NOT enough for some people, they want to know WHY you hate it as if regurgitating something wasn't enough to stop the obsession. I hate to think about it "Well, it's dry too. Most of the time it's not even moist OR flavorful. Chocolate is supposed to melt in my mouth, not crumble. It sits at the bottom of my stomach." I've said that so much, that I actually believe it! I really don't like Red Velvet cake...'cept For my dear friend Ashleigh...she has a mom who makes a red velvet cake so effing good, I heard Paula Deen tried to put a ring on it. Bottomline, I never get asked or even offered a slice of cake...chances of temptation? way low. 

So, I hope that helps out to some degree. I'm hoping you didn't think it was some kind of workout thing. It's all about eating. I'll talk about fitness when it's important. 

The Strength to Start

Today is a good day. I did my first dead hang pull up....eva! I did three more times just to make sure it wasn't a fluke! It got me all pumped and wanted to share with you how I taught myself to use my strengths.

There has to come a time where you have to be honest with yourself. What works and what doesn't work for you. I'm extremely stubborn, don't like to be told how to do things, counting calories might as well have chemistry formulas mixed him because I'm not going to remember either of them and finally, I realized my personality doesn't mesh well with any diet guidelines. You can't force me to do anything because I want to do the exact opposite. **side note** Once, someone said I "owed" them to eat chilli cheese fries with them in 2005, I was so agitated at that person trying to guilt trip me into something that I vowed to NEVER eat them again! ever. I haven't had them since...a shamed too.

See what I mean? I first thought they were weaknesses but decided to use them as strengths. I thought about how I hate restrictions and shoved into something..pretty much anything to do with diets right? Well, here's what I came up with:

1) Cut everything in half. If I was used to eating a whole bowl of spaghetti, I would leave half. A burger with fries became just a burger. Four slices of pizza...you get it. This technique served a few purposes. I was working on portion control because I was the type that was either starving or extremely full, there was no happy medium. It also helped with my self control which is probably the MOST important factor to any diet. Then, unexpectedly, it taught me how to say "no, thank you" to anyone who would offer any more than I had allowed myself...more on that later.

2) Cut one thing out! In my office, a boss of mine likes to keep a candy jar right at the front desk that everyone passes. It's not just butterscotch candy or peppermints, she packs it to the brim with fun size snickers, twix, kit kats, starbursts (!), and anything you've ever wanted from the Willy Wonka factory. Also, the local Walgreens like to donate FULL SIZE and even king size candy items...on a weekly basis.

Yep...all free for the taking! ALL THE TIME!

I decided that I was going to cut out candy. I could have cut out chocolate but I wanted the "thing" to be more broad so I couldn't make excuses. First week was tough. Second week came and went. Third week I didn't even realize I wasn't thinking about candy. I figured out that I was not only competing with myself but I wasn't going to break this habit. Wasn't worth it. That's the point of this technique.

So if you're starting out and you want to try something new, try those 2 goals. When I started, I looked like this....

Yes, that's an embarrassing tan line. 

but here's me on the third week...

Not too shabby for following 2 techniques huh?

Sprinting a Marathon

I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone exclaim, "For real, on Monday (or New Years, or vacation or anytime before summer) I'm seeerriously going to cut out carbs, drink a gallon of lemon water and work out 5 times a week. NO MORE JUNK FOOD! Like, for REALS this time!" This is also the concept behind a lot of popular diets where you go through an extremely restrictive phase to begin with then slowly allow other foods from the "good" list into your diet. It seems like a good concept for sure and I've fallen victim to it as well. Can we stop this horrible habit? I mean, I know you know a friend of a friend or a sister/cousin/neighbor who went cold turkey and REALLY did all those things and she's stuck to them, she looks fabulous and she's currently signing her first contract with Victoria's Secret because that's just her life now without carbs. That's totally cool and awesome and I hope that the rest of her life is rainbows and unicorns that fart glitter. Can we talk about us now? Where do we get this concept that, out of nowhere, this incredible motivation and the self control of Gandhi is going to magically hit us on these particular days? Those days come and go or you stay on that diet on X amount of time but never ever get the results you wanted. Why is that?

It's because you didn't create a habit. You didn't pace yourself enough for something to become natural. Have you ever went on a run and thought, "Here's the game plan; I'm going to sprint the first half of the run with EVERYTHING that I have, then after that I'll have a good running pace to finish this piece out like a mother fricken CHAMP, ya heard?" No. Because that's stupid. You're probably laughing (I hope!) at the ridiculous idea but it's the basis of most diet plans. Instead of trying to set record timing on your game plans just focus on finding your pace and finishing the run. Focus on creating a good habit, a healthy habit! Quit trying to sprint a marathon.

I plan on divulging into the dreaded diets I've been on throughout the years in future posts. They are ridiculous and hilarious at the same time and deserve their own posts for pure comedy value. But I'd like to ask if you've ever started a crazy restrictive diet only to end up beating up a five year old for their slice of chocolate cake...at their own birthday party. Oh please, don't act like I'm the only one! Also, is there anything you'd like to see on here? Maybe situations you need help with? Let me know in the comment section for both your stories and questions. I'd love to be all up in your business  hear about it and impart some advice!

The Yellow Brick Road

I recently started to lose weight. The healthy way. Not the "I'm going to start this new diet with magical fruit and 3 different types of pills" way. I've been on this road since 2006. Many diets, many fitness routines and idiotic phases later, I finally came to a point where I stopped kidding myself and started to do the right things.  
A lot of my friends and co workers ask me how I did it and the look of disappointment across their face when I say the words "I actually started eating better and exercising for realsies" always kind of surprises annoys me. There are a select few who REALLY want to know how to start feeling better about themselves and stop the BS. Those people are the reason I am starting this blog. So that they know how to handle certain situations that other fitness blogs just don't seem to cover (kids who only eat hot dogs and macaroni, office potlucks every friggin Thursday, boyfriends/husbands who eat like crap, or just NOT having the time for fitness because those are ALL REAL THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN LIFE!)

Anyway, I plan to share my experiences on what worked for me, what's NOT working for you (or anyone else for that matter), things I eat, gimmicks to watch out for and anything random I decide to share because why the heck not? It's my blog and you definitely want to hear about embarrassing stories about myself that are both related and unrelated to fitness. amirite?!

Bottom line, I want you to know that I went from this...

This picture is of me in 2009 when I was working out 2-3 hours a day with the mind set of "Well, I can eat whatever I want because my workouts cancel out everything" (side note: I really really, in my heart of hearts thought I looked awesome here! ACK!)

...and me today after working out MAYBE 2-3 times a week but honestly eating as healthy as I can...

See the obvious difference? One of these pictures is of me SAYING that I eat healthy and the other is of me PROVING that I eat healthy...You might be thinking 'No, one is high definition photo and the other is a grainy ass photo of you taken by your cheap phone.' in which case you are also 100% right! But it's my FIRST blog post and you're already being mean about it! Jk. But please bare (sp? ahh, who cares) with me while my broke ass saves up some cash for a decent camera. mmmKay? cool.