After high school, I moved to Hawaii. You would think in the land of Bikinis I would pay attention to my figure.....uh, no. I was small but a little pudgy. Never exercised a day in my life and to me a diet meant getting a side salad with my large Whopper meal (Drench the salad in ranch and then only eat half....)
I was living with my sister and her husband. Feeling like a busted can of biscuits, I asked my brother-in-law for some good ol' bootcamp work outs. In my head, I was expecting like pshh...20 situps, A pushup and maybe a nice fast pace walk around the neighborhood. That sounded about right..
Him: "Yeah right. I'm not wasting my time on that garbage. Get your sisters' bike and we'll head to the top of the hill. There's a trail we can take from there and we'll assess where your fitness level is to modify workouts."
Me: "okey dokey!"
10 minutes later....HALF WAY UP A SLIGHT HILL, 'mind you, this isn't the starting point of our bike ride, we're on the way there..
Me: *feeling lightheaded* "Hey dude, we have to stop." *Seeing spots*
Him: "For what?"
Me: "I think I'm going to faint..." *seeing tunnel vision*
Him: *Cackling laughing*
Me: *sitting on the floor, head between my legs* screw this...*fetal position*
so, yeah, over the course of three years, my fitness level didn't improve much from there. I had met someone gotten married and only 2 short years later, I was getting a divorce.
It was the most brutal thing I've had to experience in my adult life. Mentally, physically and financially, it was detrimental to my whole life. I joined the Air Force just to be able to be independent and LITERALLY get away from it all.
Drowning in debt, my measly first paycheck only covered my bills which meant for YEARS (yes, plural) I would have something around $20 two days after payday and live off my credit card (vicious cycle).
I couldn't hang out with anyone because I couldn't afford it. I hated everything about my existence. Depressed and tired of crying at random and even more so, seeing my body just deteriorate, I decided to take my anger out on myself....doing the only excruciating thing I could think of...running.
Here is how I feel in love with my run.
1) I started to run when I really want to cry.
 |
| "Netflix only has two season's of Mad Men...BRB." Via Hyberbole and a half |
Crying is pointless. I got nothing accomplished except feeling like an even bigger loser. I really just needed to release everything, mind, body and soul. Next time you feel like crying, put on some running gear and head out the door. Sometimes, I couldn't help but cry on my run. It was the only time I allowed myself to cry! If I felt my eyes filling up, I was tying my shoes on in a panic to make sure I was on the road before the first tear fell. It felt so good to just release sweat and tears all at the same time. It's the most therapeutic experience I've ever had. Afterwards, I would take a cold shower and I felt light as a feather. Next time you just can't hold back tears, head for a run. It's almost like a stop watch for misery, you give yourself until the end of the run to wallow and get over it...unlike binging on comfort foods. That can last hours and then not only are you sad but you're bloated. awesome.
2) Running Furious is the best thing ever.
Seriously, all of my running personal records have been broken while running furious. From being angry at my failed marriage or people at work pissing me off, I couldn't wait to put on my running shoes and take off sprinting. In my head, I wasn't sprinting at all. I was beating the ever-living-shit out of someone. Now, I've NEVER put my hands on anyone, but in my fantasy, I was mother-effing Jean St. Pierre. People were getting round house kicks straight to their dome piece! Every punch thrown landing right square in their rachet-ass mouf! I would think of the most vile thing I could think of and say it to them RIGHT IN THEIR IMAGINARY FACE! That'll show them. By the time I was done with my 3 hour sprint, I felt pretty good kicking all that ass, including my own. Plus, I imagine that's how it feels like getting into a scuffle. *Bonus: No busted face or getting hauled away to jail!
3) I didn't have the money to go out so I went to da club in my head.
My wonderful dorm friends would let me download their music. So whenever they headed out to party their asses off, I would go on a run with the latest dance music. I am a horrible dancer...I assume. I don't dance. Coordination game is way off (just ask my eyeliner). But not in my head, oh no...I was J.Lo in the days she was making all those Ja Rule collaborations...Don't even Ack like you don't know what I'm talking about!...RECOGNIZE(...that it was the only good part of her career... so yeah, please recognize that.) This is great because you don't have to embarrass yourself in public as I did those nights I drank too much and forgot that I wasn't running but actually dancing...oh, God. I wanna go on a run just thinking about it (applies to reason 1).
4) To celebrate an achievement
Again, too broke to celebrate, I hit the road to release my excitement squeals while running (in the middle of a heavily wooded trail! haha) These runs were so much fun. You ever see someone running, not unlike a Gazelle, and they just look like they're just having the best time of their lives and you're all "Go swallow a knife, I hate you." ? Yeah, celebration run. You need to try it. It's exhilarating! Also, I really recommend this as a habit-forming solution to being excited about running. I say it's my Pavlov experiment, instead of begrudgingly putting on your shoes and thinking about how much this run is going to suck, being in a great mood or knowing all your bad juju will be gone when the run is over is definitely a (cheap) incentive to get your happy ass out on that road, time and time again!
So, after running through every problem, achievement, emotion and then coming out with an athletic body...let me tell you, I LOVE running. I sincerely hope you go out there, Drop kick someone, cry it out, hit up da club and celebrate your awesomeness (all in your head) and most of all, fall in love with running.
2) Running Furious is the best thing ever.
 |
| FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! |
Seriously, all of my running personal records have been broken while running furious. From being angry at my failed marriage or people at work pissing me off, I couldn't wait to put on my running shoes and take off sprinting. In my head, I wasn't sprinting at all. I was beating the ever-living-shit out of someone. Now, I've NEVER put my hands on anyone, but in my fantasy, I was mother-effing Jean St. Pierre. People were getting round house kicks straight to their dome piece! Every punch thrown landing right square in their rachet-ass mouf! I would think of the most vile thing I could think of and say it to them RIGHT IN THEIR IMAGINARY FACE! That'll show them. By the time I was done with my 3 hour sprint, I felt pretty good kicking all that ass, including my own. Plus, I imagine that's how it feels like getting into a scuffle. *Bonus: No busted face or getting hauled away to jail!
3) I didn't have the money to go out so I went to da club in my head.
 |
| New Years '11 |
My wonderful dorm friends would let me download their music. So whenever they headed out to party their asses off, I would go on a run with the latest dance music. I am a horrible dancer...I assume. I don't dance. Coordination game is way off (just ask my eyeliner). But not in my head, oh no...I was J.Lo in the days she was making all those Ja Rule collaborations...Don't even Ack like you don't know what I'm talking about!...RECOGNIZE(...that it was the only good part of her career... so yeah, please recognize that.) This is great because you don't have to embarrass yourself in public as I did those nights I drank too much and forgot that I wasn't running but actually dancing...oh, God. I wanna go on a run just thinking about it (applies to reason 1).
4) To celebrate an achievement
 |
| My brother-in-law and I finishing a marathon 3 years after the bike incident... |
Again, too broke to celebrate, I hit the road to release my excitement squeals while running (in the middle of a heavily wooded trail! haha) These runs were so much fun. You ever see someone running, not unlike a Gazelle, and they just look like they're just having the best time of their lives and you're all "Go swallow a knife, I hate you." ? Yeah, celebration run. You need to try it. It's exhilarating! Also, I really recommend this as a habit-forming solution to being excited about running. I say it's my Pavlov experiment, instead of begrudgingly putting on your shoes and thinking about how much this run is going to suck, being in a great mood or knowing all your bad juju will be gone when the run is over is definitely a (cheap) incentive to get your happy ass out on that road, time and time again!
So, after running through every problem, achievement, emotion and then coming out with an athletic body...let me tell you, I LOVE running. I sincerely hope you go out there, Drop kick someone, cry it out, hit up da club and celebrate your awesomeness (all in your head) and most of all, fall in love with running.
